Faith During Marital Crisis
My first marriage ended because of unfaithfulness. My young husband was unfaithful to me…and I didn’t have the faith that our marriage could recover from such a blow. After attending just three counseling sessions with our Priest, I told my husband that I could not forgive him or trust him. So we separated and eventually divorced. We were twenty-three years old and the parents of two children under the age of two.
Ten long years later, I met someone I could really put my trust in–Jesus Christ. I believe Jesus led me to the man I would eventually marry and blend a family with. That was twenty-one years ago. Since that time my husband and I have purposed to become marriage experts. Each year we attend several marriage related workshops and train with top Christian Marriage Therapists. And for most of our marriage we have taught and mentored pre-marital and married couples. All this to say–we’ve learned a few things along the way…especially me.
One thing I have learned is that if you think you are immune to an affair, you need to think again. No one is above temptation. I also discovered that prior to “no fault divorce” entering the picture in 1970, adultery was one of the top three reasons cited for obtaining a divorce. Current studies would indicate that those numbers have not changed. In addition, adultery (one of the “accepted” reasons for divorce within the church) is manifesting itself in new forms such as emotional affairs or pornography use.
So does that mean that divorce is inevitable after the discovery of infidelity? I used to think the answer was a resounding “yes!” I used to think people could not change…could not repent…and could not be trusted again. I did not believe such a sinner could be transformed, redeemed and given a clean slate. I couldn’t grasp the reality of what Christ accomplished on the cross. But when I did, I surrendered my hardened heart to God and asked Him to make it soft like He intended it to be. Keep in mind soft does not mean weak. It takes a strong heart fashioned by faith to stand up for your marriage and your spouse, especially when your spouse has shattered your heart through unfaithfulness. It is good to remember that God stands up for us and calls us His bride, even though we are continually unfaithful to Him.
God is with us and is actively involved in our circumstances. He came to give us a future and a hope. He calls us to love like He loves. This is impossible without faith. Without faith in God’s love for us, we wouldn’t be able to survive the pain of infidelity, or be willing to reconcile through forgiveness. Without the power of His love we would not be able to trust again or earn trust back. Just suppose I had put my faith in God at twenty-three; maybe my first marriage would have made it through our crisis and my two children spared the pain of our divorce. I will never know what might have been . What I do know is that God is faithful, even when we are not.
Most assuredly I say to you, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there, ’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. (Matthew 17:20)
