The Man of My Dreams
I’m mad at my hubby right now. What did he do wrong? Nothing. I just happened to have a dream about him doing something wrong…and I woke up mad at him. In my dream he stood by passively as I was being mugged by a gang of nuns…something he would totally do in real life–right? No, not really. So what does it mean when the man of your dreams lets you down…in your dreams? Allow me to let you in on the conversation my husband and I had regarding the complete abdication of his responsibility to defend me in my dream.
Each morning before heading off to work my hubby kisses me and tells me he loves me. However, the morning after the fateful dream when he leaned in for his usual kiss, I swiftly turned my face so he missed my lips. Smart guy–he surmised something was wrong. Innocently he asked, “What’s the matter honey?”
I replied: “I’m mad at you, if you must know.”
Hubby: “What did I do now?”
Me: “I dreamt that I was being chased down the street by a gang of marauding nuns and I was calling out for you to save me and you were standing on the corner watching American Idol on your Smart phone and you told me you would just be a minute because it was elimination night.”
Hubby: “What?”
Me: “I know! I can’t believe that you just left me to fend for myself…you know I have issues with…”
Hubby: “It was just a dream. I would never let a gang of nuns threaten my bride.”
Not quite convinced, I continued, “Well…in any case, I’m still mad.” And with that my amused hubby kissed me and left for work.
I have learned that when it comes to my emotional reactions, there is usually something from my past driving them. In this particular instance it was my fear of abandonment. I carry the fear that my hubby will not be available–emotionally or physically– when I need him the most
My fear is not an entirely irrational one… I have reason to doubt. I have been let down in the past. As we were approaching our 5th Wedding Anniversary my mom and dad died within weeks of each other. This was my first experience with devastating loss and grief; and naturally I looked to my husband for comfort. Uncomfortable with my grief, he was unsure of how to give me what I needed. So he avoided me. Then one day a few weeks after this loss he found me in a heap on the bedroom floor crying. He reached down and cried with me. In that moment I felt both cared for and understood. Sharing that experience drew us closer as a couple in a whole new way. Choosing to be physically and emotionally available for me in that moment brought both healing and restoration.
Though I still have a few trust issues from my past, most have nothing to do with my husband. For the last six years, I have intentionally worked to identify these issues and determine their origin. I have also sought healing through the only One (hint: Jesus) who can bring victory into those areas. When I find myself getting upset, I have learned to slow down and name the emotion I am feeling (usually hurt or fear). Just the act of giving the feeling a name gives me power to control my reaction. I simply ask myself, “Is it true?” Feelings can often be based on a lie. If I determine that my negative emotion is based on a lie from my past, I can choose to think and feel differently about it in the present.
After my hubby left for work this morning I had a cup of coffee (“instant human”) and I asked myself, “Is it true that my husband would allow me to be harmed in any way if he could prevent it?” The answer is a resounding NO! Is it true that my husband may make a mistake and let me down from time to time? YES! And should I conclude that means he doesn’t love and cherish me? NO! Whew! A good reality check never hurt anyone.
So if ever find myself out for a walk and stumble upon a group of nuns just looking for trouble, I’m crossing the street. Far be it from me to put myself in that kind of dangerous situation.
Then Pilate said: “So are you king or not?” Jesus answered, “You tell me. Because I am King, I was born and entered the world so that I could witness to the truth. Everyone who cares for the truth, who has any feelings for the truth, recognizes my voice.” John 18:37
